Am I depressed of just bone idle? This was my waking thought today. I have never really thought of myself as lazy -- by some peoples standards I am positively thrusting with motivation. My problem is this, and I think this has been true all my life. I start something and then get bored with it. For instance -- I may think that I want to learn to playthe guitar, and so I will have daydreams about me playing the guitar. I will be in a band, maybe do some busking, be a wow at parties. Playing the guitar will make me feel better and I will write songs about depression and cure the world of all disease....... slight exageration at the end but this is generally how my mind works. It paints a rosy picture of what i dont have. When I attempt to learn to play the guitar I will remain interested until the point where I realise that It's a lot harder than my mind had led me to believe, and now guitar playing has joined the long list of 'things I am going to do'.
When I look at this writing I feel angry with myself as I know that This is a contributing factor towards my depression. All of my life I have started things and got bored. Its probably why I am where I am today in life. I dont think this is the cause of my depression, however it certainly does not help it. Time to change my ways. I think the key for me is to start with small tasks. I have a short story that I have been procrastinating with for ages. I will post it to this blog in two weeks time (Or as near as).
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